Building Godly Friendships

We are well into a brand new year that is filled with opportunities for being transformed into the image of our wonderful Lord and King. What does being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ have to do with building godly friendships? Absolutely everything! You see, relationships are God's idea, not man's. So for them to function properly, they must be conducted within the guidelines that He has laid out in His Word. To attempt building a relationship by any other means or for any other reason would be abuse- the abnormal use of God's original intent for them. This abuse- mainly through ignorance- is the cause of the rampant dysfunction that is occurring in so many marriages and relationships today. In order to turn the tide of unhealthy relationships, God and His Word must be the sole foundation by which we build them.

So many people want to fit God's Word into their lives, not realizing that it's really the other way around! God's Word is supreme and our whole lives are to be fit into God's Word, including all of our relationships. Instead of living according to the Word, people continue with their lives, mainly turning to God when they get into trouble or when things are not as they would like them. For them their relationship with God can be summarized as "In case of emergency, break glass." At such times, the expectation is not for God to fix what is wrong, but simply to make the pain go away, so they can get back to living their own lives. This is not the Christianity given to us by the Savior!

The secret to having godly relationships is this: draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you. When you grow closer to God, it is inevitable that you will also grow closer to all others who are similarly drawing near to their Savior. Any relationship that does not have its roots in godliness will ultimately fail. Jesus said, "Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:24-27)

Hosea, prophesying to the people of Israel made much the same point. He said, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." (Hosea 4:6) According to the prophet, the relationships between the people of God and their Maker was broken, because they had rejected the knowledge God had given them for establishing and building those relationships. This is the same cause for the veritable epidemic of brokenness in marriage- and relationships in general- that we see in our Society today.

For example, this is why the divorce rate is at the highest point that it has ever been, both inside and outside of the church. Marriage was God's idea, not man's, and can only be successful when conducted within the guidelines that He has put forth concerning two lives being joined as one. God is the only one that can perform this miraculous union between two people and is only free to do so when we are one with Him. In other words, before we can be a godly friend and spouse, we must be God's friend first!

So, when you take a man and a woman and attempt to join them in Holy matrimony but the two persons involved are not living holy lives, the process of being made one in the Lord is not possible. The couple lives in a continual state of separation even though they may be together physically at all times. This would be a marriage built on sand; the sand in this instance represents the construction of their relationship by the arm of the flesh. Sure, they have a state sanctioned license that affirms their union in the eyes of man, but the marriage is crippled spiritually. Essentially, it is a house divided against itself. "And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand" (Matthew 12:25)

Simply reciting vows in a church building in front of a preacher with witnesses in attendance does not necessarily result in holy matrimony. A holy union can only be enjoyed by a man and a woman who love God with all of their hearts and are willfully obedient to His Word. [Having said that, I must point out, if you were not walking in an intimate relationship with God when you married the person you are with now, it's not to late to dedicate your marriage to Him! Just as Jesus turned the water into wine, He can certainly redeem your marriage into something greater than you ever dreamed possible. The healing begins with asking Him for forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)]

What about the case where a believer is married to an unbeliever? Paul wrote, " If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches." (1 Corinthians 7:12-17) So, in the eyes of God, the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believer, and the children are holy. Thus, there is hope in these marriages, too. Even so, the best marriage will always have as its foundation a godly friendship!

Likewise, it is God's design that all of our friendships- not just those within marriage- be conducted within the love of God, especially those who are of the household of faith. Hence, the honorable title given to those who collectively live their lives in God is the "bride" of Christ! So, if you consider yourself a devoted Christian and yet you "hang out" with people who are not, whether they are in your church or outside of it, it's time you find yourself godly friends. Friends who will challenge you in the things of God and stick with you under any circumstances, no matter what they might be! "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." (Proverbs 27:17) Observe that iron sharpening iron involves friction- sparks fly when a friend sharpens the countenance of his friend. Thus, true, godly friendships involve a certain measure of pain. Jesus made a statement that further establishes this crucial point within the context of the Love of God. He said, "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:12-13)

Jesus spoke these words mere hours before His crucifixion- the ultimate fulfillment of a man laying down his life for his friends. Jesus also made the following request of His Heavenly Father just before His arrest: "And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are." (John 17:11)

Jesus described the epitome of the godly relationship: "that they may be one, as we are." This is His prayer for the Church: that we may be one, even as He and the Father are One. Instead of this, however, we are confronted with strife and division, within our families, our churches and our society as a whole. Is there anything that can be done about this? Yes, but it begins, as noted earlier, by drawing nigh to God, one believer at a time.

Any relationship, whether a marriage or a friendship, can only be truly enjoyed by those who know what God's definition of love is and who are living in His love. The only way we can come to know what love is- is by knowing love Himself! Did you notice that I did not say "itself"? "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." (1 John 4:7-8) In other words, love is what God is made of and in order to know love you must know God. In order for anything to be truly successful it must be rooted in God Himself! So as we draw closer to God, He can use us to begin turning the tide of division in the Church through the building of godly friendships. This will be expressed in various practical ways.

For starters, the best thing we can do for the spiritually immature is to not be one of them. If we as individuals possess, at best, a lukewarm existence concerning the things of God, all we can do is lead others in the opposite direction that God intends for their lives to go. This misrepresentation of Christianity certainly qualifies as causing the little one's to stumble (the literal meaning of the Greek word translated "offend" in the passage quoted below). Jesus said it Himself: "But whose shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:6) "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves." (Matthew 23:15)

Another step to building godly relationships is making the effort to become friendly toward those that we come in contact with each day. An easy way to get started would be wearing a smile rather than the more commonly displayed blank look or scowl. Do not let those looks hinder you from your mission. The vast majority of the blank looks and scowls are really only a form of pride or a protective mechanism that people put up. Press right on through them! "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." (Proverbs 6:16-19) A smile can break down even the thickest walls that people construct between themselves and others. Give it a try: smile real big and watch those frowns turn upside down! Your smile is by far one of your greatest weapons in the war against division!

Another thing we can do is take the time to find the good in the lives of those around us and make the effort to fan that flame in their hearts instead of being quick to point out their faults. This is key to our building godly relationships! Anyone can point fingers or find fault. A Christ-like person will take the time necessary to find and accentuate the good in others. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all talking about flattery. I am talking about pointing out the God-given gifts in others and calling them into fruition in their lives. Paul put it this way, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8) People get beat up badly enough by others. They certainly do not need us to add insult to their existing injuries. They need us to help them heal.

Another way to build godly friendships is by calling or writing someone- whether you feel they need it or not- speak courage into their lives and then make sure you listen to them. So many times when I have done this, they tell me, "Keith, your timing could not have been better." A conversation concerning something they are dealing with usually ensues and, more often than not, God is glorified and has given that person direction. We live in a time where people are robbed of their time and peace, being attacked from every side, by their work, family matters or a myriad of other things. We are rapidly approaching the time when Jesus told us that "the love of many shall wax cold." (Matthew 24:12)

Nevertheless, the Word of God stands sure, and we know what we are to do: Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34) Notice that He did not say that they will know that we are His disciples by the way we dress, talk or by the house we live in or the car we drive. They will only be able to know that we are Christ's by the way we live and express the Love of God!

Finally, I leave you with these words from our Lord Jesus: "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another." (John 15:11-17)


	We are well into a brand new year that is filled with opportunities for being transformed into the image of our wonderful Lord and King. What does being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ have to do with building godly friendships? Absolutely everything! You see, relationships are God's idea, not man's. So for them to function properly, they must be conducted within the guidelines that He has laid out in His Word. To attempt building a relationship by any other means or for any other reason would be abuse- the abnormal use of God's original intent for them. This abuse- mainly through ignorance- is the cause of the rampant dysfunction that is occurring in so many marriages and relationships today. In order to turn the tide of unhealthy relationships, God and His Word must be the sole foundation by which we build them. So many people want to fit God's Word into their lives, not realizing that it's really the other way around! God's Word is supreme and our whole lives are to be fit into God's Word, including all of our relationships. Instead of living according to the Word, people continue with their lives, mainly turning to God when they get into trouble or when things are not as they would like them. For them their relationship with God can be summarized as "In case of emergency, break glass." At such times, the expectation is not for God to fix what is wrong, but simply to make the pain go away, so they can get back to living their own lives. This is not the Christianity given to us by the Savior! The secret to having godly relationships is this: draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you. When you grow closer to God, it is inevitable that you will also grow closer to all others who are similarly drawing near to their Savior. Any relationship that does not have its roots in godliness will ultimately fail. Jesus said, "Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:24-27) Hosea, prophesying to the people of Israel made much the same point. He said, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." (Hosea 4:6) According to the prophet, the relationships between the people of God and their Maker was broken, because they had rejected the knowledge God had given them for establishing and building those relationships. This is the same cause for the veritable epidemic of brokenness in marriage- and relationships in general- that we see in our Society today. For example, this is why the divorce rate is at the highest point that it has ever been, both inside and outside of the church. Marriage was God's idea, not man's, and can only be successful when conducted within the guidelines that He has put forth concerning two lives being joined as one. God is the only one that can perform this miraculous union between two people and is only free to do so when we are one with Him. In other words, before we can be a godly friend and spouse, we must be God's friend first! So, when you take a man and a woman and attempt to join them in Holy matrimony but the two persons involved are not living holy lives, the process of being made one in the Lord is not possible. The couple lives in a continual state of separation even though they may be together physically at all times. This would be a marriage built on sand; the sand in this instance represents the construction of their relationship by the arm of the flesh. Sure, they have a state sanctioned license that affirms their union in the eyes of man, but the marriage is crippled spiritually. Essentially, it is a house divided against itself. "And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand" (Matthew 12:25) Simply reciting vows in a church building in front of a preacher with witnesses in attendance does not necessarily result in holy matrimony. A holy union can only be enjoyed by a man and a woman who love God with all of their hearts and are willfully obedient to His Word. [Having said that, I must point out, if you were not walking in an intimate relationship with God when you married the person you are with now, it's not to late to dedicate your marriage to Him! Just as Jesus turned the water into wine, He can certainly redeem your marriage into something greater than you ever dreamed possible. The healing begins with asking Him for forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)] What about the case where a believer is married to an unbeliever? Paul wrote, " If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches." (1 Corinthians 7:12-17) So, in the eyes of God, the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believer, and the children are holy. Thus, there is hope in these marriages, too. Even so, the best marriage will always have as its foundation a godly friendship! Likewise, it is God's design that all of our friendships- not just those within marriage- be conducted within the love of God, especially those who are of the household of faith. Hence, the honorable title given to those who collectively live their lives in God is the "bride" of Christ! So, if you consider yourself a devoted Christian and yet you "hang out" with people who are not, whether they are in your church or outside of it, it's time you find yourself godly friends. Friends who will challenge you in the things of God and stick with you under any circumstances, no matter what they might be! "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." (Proverbs 27:17) Observe that iron sharpening iron involves friction- sparks fly when a friend sharpens the countenance of his friend. Thus, true, godly friendships involve a certain measure of pain. Jesus made a statement that further establishes this crucial point within the context of the Love of God. He said, "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:12-13) Jesus spoke these words mere hours before His crucifixion- the ultimate fulfillment of a man laying down his life for his friends. Jesus also made the following request of His Heavenly Father just before His arrest: "And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are." (John 17:11) Jesus described the epitome of the godly relationship: "that they may be one, as we are." This is His prayer for the Church: that we may be one, even as He and the Father are One. Instead of this, however, we are confronted with strife and division, within our families, our churches and our society as a whole. Is there anything that can be done about this? Yes, but it begins, as noted earlier, by drawing nigh to God, one believer at a time. Any relationship, whether a marriage or a friendship, can only be truly enjoyed by those who know what God's definition of love is and who are living in His love. The only way we can come to know what love is- is by knowing love Himself! Did you notice that I did not say "itself"? "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." (1 John 4:7-8) In other words, love is what God is made of and in order to know love you must know God. In order for anything to be truly successful it must be rooted in God Himself! So as we draw closer to God, He can use us to begin turning the tide of division in the Church through the building of godly friendships. This will be expressed in various practical ways. For starters, the best thing we can do for the spiritually immature is to not be one of them. If we as individuals possess, at best, a lukewarm existence concerning the things of God, all we can do is lead others in the opposite direction that God intends for their lives to go. This misrepresentation of Christianity certainly qualifies as causing the little one's to stumble (the literal meaning of the Greek word translated "offend" in the passage quoted below). Jesus said it Himself: "But whose shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:6) "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves." (Matthew 23:15) Another step to building godly relationships is making the effort to become friendly toward those that we come in contact with each day. An easy way to get started would be wearing a smile rather than the more commonly displayed blank look or scowl. Do not let those looks hinder you from your mission. The vast majority of the blank looks and scowls are really only a form of pride or a protective mechanism that people put up. Press right on through them! "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." (Proverbs 6:16-19) A smile can break down even the thickest walls that people construct between themselves and others. Give it a try: smile real big and watch those frowns turn upside down! Your smile is by far one of your greatest weapons in the war against division! Another thing we can do is take the time to find the good in the lives of those around us and make the effort to fan that flame in their hearts instead of being quick to point out their faults. This is key to our building godly relationships! Anyone can point fingers or find fault. A Christ-like person will take the time necessary to find and accentuate the good in others. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all talking about flattery. I am talking about pointing out the God-given gifts in others and calling them into fruition in their lives. Paul put it this way, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8) People get beat up badly enough by others. They certainly do not need us to add insult to their existing injuries. They need us to help them heal. Another way to build godly friendships is by calling or writing someone- whether you feel they need it or not- speak courage into their lives and then make sure you listen to them. So many times when I have done this, they tell me, "Keith, your timing could not have been better." A conversation concerning something they are dealing with usually ensues and, more often than not, God is glorified and has given that person direction. We live in a time where people are robbed of their time and peace, being attacked from every side, by their work, family matters or a myriad of other things. We are rapidly approaching the time when Jesus told us that "the love of many shall wax cold." (Matthew 24:12) Nevertheless, the Word of God stands sure, and we know what we are to do: Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34) Notice that He did not say that they will know that we are His disciples by the way we dress, talk or by the house we live in or the car we drive. They will only be able to know that we are Christ's by the way we live and express the Love of God! Finally, I leave you with these words from our Lord Jesus: "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another." (John 15:11-17)
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